The diary of a Temple Guard

8/3/1994, Today I went out drinking with some of my guard buddies. I met this really cool girl named Lisa, she was really into me and stuff, she thought the shrunken heads tied around my neck were sexy obviously. I didn't get her number though, she stopped talking to me and walked away when I told her that I was serious when I said I catch kids and eat their eyes if they aren't carrying a pendant of life.

5/4/1995, Legends of the Hidden Temple was cancelled today, and it looks like I'm being let go. I've been looking into other temples with guard vacancies, but it turns out there aren't too many hidden temples in this century, looks like temple guard college was a big waste of money. On second thought, I think Olmec blacklisted me, he's had it in for me ever since he heard that I hooked up with his girlfriend on the steps of knowledge. Looks like im going to have to work at my dad's accounting firm, damnit.

3/24/1997, I got in trouble at the office today... again. Casual fridays and I just don't get along it seems, it all started when I saw Barry, the midget who works next to me walk by me in the hall wearing a bright red shirt and khaki shorts. Let's just say he wasn't too happy when I picked him up by the legs and shook him for a few minutes demanding a pendant of life, I'll be hearing from his lawyers. Old habits die hard man.

11/6/2000, I'm running out of money, so I decided to try and sell a few things today. Would you believe that the guy at the pawn shop had the nerve to offer me $35 for a SILVER monkey? I did manage to sell a picture of Olmec and Kirk Fogg making out at our christmas party for $300, that should last me the rest of the month, if not I'll have to sell that trip to space camp I've been saving.

From the Florida Today, 4/26/2002: Huey Tlatoani, 36, a resident of Melbourne Florida died late tuesday from accidentally falling into a "sacrificial pit" while performing a ritualistic animal sacrifice to the god Quetzalcoatl.

Fun things to do to piss roomates off part 1

1. Call a housemate's cell phone at 3am demanding that they make you a sandwich, even though you are down the hall from them. If they hang up, leave an angry note on their door in the morning calling them "self-centered assholes."

2. Go away for the weekend and lock the door to your room while leaving "The Final Countdown" playing as loud as possible on an endless loop. (make sure nobody has a key)

3. Make a point of using the last of the toilet paper then hiding whatever new rolls are in the bathroom, it makes for a fun toilet-time game.

4. Anytime anyone enters your room spray them with axe for at least 10 seconds, if they ask why just mumble something incoherent about germs.

5. Beat off on the couch you all sit on, while you're all sitting on it.

6. Steal your housemate's cell phone and change the language to French.

7. Find your roomates' exam schedule and the night before any of them has a test make a point of blasting country music while running around the house naked with a cowboy hat.

8. If the Disney Channel is not on the TV at any given time then complain loudly drowning out whatever is on until the channel is changed. If a girl comes into the room make fun of your roomates for watching the Disney Channel.

9. Invite wasted people at bars to "sleep it off" in your roomate's bed.

10. Yell at the T.V. not only during sports, but during any show.